What I Really Want
by roses-for-Sessho-maru
Summary: PonyDarrySoda Incest! Can Pony keep a secret from his family and the guys? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the outsiders, S. E. Hinton does.

What I Really Want

Just when you think that everything is going the way you want it life throws you a curve ball. Nothing will even be the same once everything calms down. Like when Johnny was jumped by the soc. Everyone started looking out for each other and Johnny's never been the same Well to me this is just worse, I can't even look at my brothers without thinking that one of them know. Why don't I start from the beginning?

I couldn't believe that I had woken up with a fucking hard on and to make matters worse Soda's hand was only inches from brushing it. I had dreamed of some guy thrusting his dick into me and I was fucking aroused. But that's only the beginning it had been Darry, my eldest brother that had been making my body sing. It also didn't help that I had been having dreams of Darry and Soda together. Or just Soda and me.

I let out a startled moan as Soda's hand ran over my erection. I thanked every god I could think of that he was asleep. I'd been horrified if he had been awake. I wonder if it's possible to die of humiliation. I look out the window to see if it was still really early Even though Darry was up, I could probably get off while taking a shower. After I got out of bed I made my way to the bathroom.

What I saw there ruined my erection and broke my heart, Dally and Darry were in the shower. Darry was against the wall with Dally shoving his cock into him. I chocked down my sobs as it wasn't fair to interrupt Darry in the only time he had to have time to have fun. I made it to the couch before I broke I broke down crying. Although I was just acknowledging my not so brotherly feelings for Darry it didn't mean seeing him with Dally hurt any less. By the time Darry and Dally were done in the shower I had made breakfast and tried unsuccessfully to stop crying. Why couldn't I stop Darry's only going to worry if I don't.

"Hey Ponyboy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just not feeling the best is all. Don't worry Darry I'll be fine in a little while." Dally just watched what went on between Darry and I. Couldn't he just leave? I didn't want him here.

"Hey Darry, morning Pony," Soda called from the living room. "Has anyone seen my shirt, shoes and jeans?"

"Shoes by the couch the rest is in my closet," Darry said while sitting beside Dally. The front door slammed as the rest of the gang came into the house.

"Hey Soda, hurry up we're going to be late," Steve yelled. Johnny and I left the house before we could got yelled at. School was going to be long today I could just feel it. By the time I got home after school only Darry was home and I decided to start my homework so he'd not be disappointed. I didn't want to disappoint Darry or Soda at the moment. Would either one of them return my feelings? I could only hope.

"How much did you see this morning Kiddo?" Darry asked.

"I don't understand Darry."

"You saw Dally and I. I'll stop seeing him if you're that disgusted that you'd cry."

"I wasn't disgusted, I don't care if you'd want to be with Dally. Please just let me get my homework done," I shouted.

"Don't yell at me Ponyboy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Oh, yeah I'm okay. I just got my heart broken by some stupid hood and my brother. Of course I'm fine," I sobbed. Darry sat down in the chair beside me and pulled me into his lap.

"I'll stop screwing around with Dally so you can have him. Pony. I love you so much that I'd do any thing for you."

"Darry, don't worry I'll be fine. Continue with Dally I'd rather you happy and if Dally makes you happy who am I to get between that." I turn everyone out for the next couple of weeks trying to put my heart ache behind me. After all it was wrong for a person to like their siblings. The next thing I knew I was jumped by Socs and ended up in the hospital.

Soda and Darry never left my side as the nurse stitched my various cuts up. There had been six socs and half of them had Blades. I couldn't look at Darry because I knew he'd be mad because I wasn't paying attention. And I couldn't look at Soda to see the guilt that I just knew was in his eyes. The rest of the gang had gone to get something to eat.

"Alright baby, what's gotten into you lately? You've been acting really strange," Soda said.

"Nothing just thinking actually. You guys shouldn't worry about me. I'll be fine once I'm able to think everything threw."

"Pony, does this have anything to do with Daly and I?" Darry demanded. I still couldn't look at either of them without fear that they would know the truth.

"We've been over this Darry, I'm fine with you and Dally." The subject was dropped and we went home in silence. Darry didn't seem to believe me about anything I had told him and I can't say I blame him. I'm not fine about Dally touching what should be mine. There isn't even anyone that I'd be able to talk to about this. Darry and Soda are the ones I want, Dally's with Darry, Two-Bit, Steve and Johnny just wouldn't understand.

Soda's been acting weird lately and I can't help but wonder if he knows what's going on in my head. Is he going to avoid me because he's disgusted? Has he told Darry? Am I going to get kicked out?

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: In chapter one

Thank you to all of you who reviewed!

What I Really Want

Last time::

Soda's been acting weird lately and I can't help but wonder if he knows what's going on in my head. Is he going to avoid me because he's disgusted? Has he told Darry? Am I going to get kicked out?

This Time:

"Hey Pony can I talk to you for a minute? I don't know what to do Honey," Soda said.

"Sure Soda," I said placing my book beside me on the couch.

"You see I have these feelings that I can't quite figure out and I was wondering if you'd be able to help me." As I sat there listening to Soda I could tell that whoever he was talking about that he really loved them. "What do you think I should do? It's just the only other person I felt this way about was Sandy."

"I think you should tell them how you feel." In fact I should probably take my own advice and tell you and Darry how I feel. I can tell that even if I did tell you , you'd think I meant as family but I love you as more than just my brother. Soda hugged me before he ran from the living room to outside. I went to the door and watched as Soda and Steve started talking. Was it possible that Soda loved Steve? I guess so because the pair of them started making out in front of the house.

I felt my heart break a second time and wondered if there was a chance I could get my brothers as mine. I know I'm being selfish but I love my brothers. Even though they are happy I'm not. Could I really ruin their happiness? Of course not, it would be unfair to my brothers who have given up everything for me. But I couldn't go on watching Darry with Dally and Soda with Steve. I couldn't put myself through that misery.

It had taken me three hours to pack everything and get out of town. I had left my brothers a note telling them that I would be back when I was ready. I figured the only way to move on was to leave and that is exactly what I did. I am heading towards Texas on the train, the conductor has no idea that I'm in the back with the extra luggage. Once I get to Texas I have no clue what I am going to do, I'll figure something out in the next two days.

I jumped off the train before it had stopped so I wouldn't get caught. They'd just take me back home. I traveled around town until I found a flower shop looking to hire someone. The outside of the shop looked like it could use some sprucing up and I'd bet everything I owned the inside looked the same. I entered the shop and found the inside was so full of flowers and accessories to even see the walls. I walked around the shop to find the owner and ask about the job offer. It was near the back I found an elderly couple who must've run this place. When they seen me they started whispering to themselves before turning to me.

"Are you here looking for a job?" The old man asked.

"Yes I am. I have no knowledge of plants but I'd help out any way I can," I replied.

"I'm Helga Hawkins and this is my husband Spencer Hawkins. What's your name deary?"

"My name is Ponyboy Micheal Curtis. I go by Micheal though," I told them. Spencer nodded his head as if he had decided something that only he'd know.

"When will you be able to start? Do you even have a place to live?" Helga asked.

"I can start anytime you want me to And I am currently homeless." I wasn't going to lie to these people after all they had just given my a job at their shop based on my name, look and posture.

"You can stay with us we have an extra room. We'd be able to teach you more if you were living with us. We also need someone to take over the shop when you're down in the ground and you may be him," Spencer said leaving no room for argument. I nodded and followed Spencer to begin working and learning everything I could.

It took me three months to learn everything. I'd painted and fixed the outside of the shop so that it looked more inviting. Helga and Spencer were extremely nice and easy to get along with. The accepted everything I had told them. Including the reason I had ran from Tulsa. Turns out the tow of them had twin boys who had been each other's lovers. That is until they were beaten to death. I had enrolled myself into school with the money Helga and Spencer insisted they pay me.

I still have the nightmares that caused Soda to start sleeping with me, Helga helps me through them. I miss the gang and my brothers but I don't think that I can go back now. Event hough the school had to contact my old school I don't think that they contacted my brothers. At least I hope they didn't. I wouldn't want them to come all this way, to find out that I don't plan on leaving until I get over this infatuation with my brothers.

Reviews are very welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: In chapter one

Thank you to all of you who reviewed!

What I Really Want

Last time::

I still have the nightmares that caused Soda to start sleeping with me, Helga helps me through them. I miss the gang and my brothers but I don't think that I can go back now. Event hough the school had to contact my old school I don't think that they contacted my brothers. At least I hope they didn't. I wouldn't want them to come all this way, to find out that I don't plan on leaving until I get over this infatuation with my brothers.

This Time:

I've been here for three years and I've noticed for the last two months Spencer has gotten sick. Helga and I can't get him to go to the hospital as he wants to die in his home or the shop. When Helga hears Spencer talking like this she gets really upset. And I don't really blame her.

Spencer died in his sleep leaving Helga and I to take care of the shop. Helga arranged the flowers for the funeral and showed me which ones she wanted for her funeral. I know she'll end up dieing of a broken heart without Spencer around to bring her sweets just because. The funeral service was beautiful. I tried to help Helga through it with out giving into my own tears. My mentor is gone.

Helga was only around for another year before she joined her beloved Spencer in death. I am legally old enough to stay on my own but I think it's time to close the shop for awhile and go home to Tulsa. I have been away for four years now. I left when I was fifteen. How will the guys take it? Where they all okay?

Heading back home was easier than I thought it would be. I only got really nervous when I stepped out of the train. I had paid for my ticket this time. I decided to walk around to see how much the town had changed. My travelings had lead me straight to my old home. I paused briefly before knocking on the door. All noise in the house died after I knocked. I stood waiting for someone to come to the door. My waiting over seconds later when who could only be Darry opened the door. He stood there shocked.

"Hello Darry," I whispered. I stood there on the steps as Darry looked me over, I hadn't really changed. I haven't cut my hair nor have my clothes style changed.

"Ponyboy?" Darry asked. I nodded my head and was pulled into a bear hug. "God Pony we thought we'd lost you like we did with mom and dad." Darry cried into my shoulder. Did I mention that I had grown?

"Darry, who's at the door?" A voice asked from behind my eldest brother. Darry just lead me into the kitchen where everyone was.

"Ponyboy has decided to show us he's not dead," Pony answered. It felt weird to be called Pony again. I'd gone by Micheal for the last four years.

"Holly shit! You're back no one knew where you'd gone off too," Two-Bit yelled. Soda rushed over and hugged me. Sobbing as he held me for the first time in four years. Dally was glaring at me along with Steve. Johnny was beaming, he's the one that has changed the most. He doesn't seem to be as scared as he once was.

"You decided to come home did you? Where you gonna stay?" Dally demanded.

"I'm only here for a few days Dallas. I have a shop to get back to in Texas," I replied. Just now I realized my accent had changed. Soda laughed once he heard me speak.

"We never checked Texas. You have a different accent Pony," Soda explained why he was laughing. I just smile.

"How has everyone been?" I asked.

"Two-Bit and Johnny have been together for two years. Steve and I are still going strong. Darry and Dally came out last year. What about you anything we should know?" Soda asked.

"I've not been with anyone. The reason I came back home is because the elderly couple I've been living with passed away and I thought I should come and see all of you. I own a flower shop and finished high school in Texas," I replied. Two-Bit, Soda , Steve and Johnny laughed while Dally's glared intensified.

"You own a flower shop Pony?" A shocked Darry asked. I nodded and smiled knowing they'd all find it amusing.

"Where are you going to stay Pony? You never did answer Dally," Johnny asked.

"No clue hadn't truly thought that far. I wanted to come and see you all so I did," I said.

"Never did use your head Kiddo," Darry said smiling. I realized I needed to leave before I kissed Darry or Soda. As the saying goes distance makes the heart grow fonder. And that certainly worked for me.

"You'll stay here. You'll have to sleep on the couch as Darry's still in his room. I'm in ours with Steve, Johnny and Two-Bit are in my old room. Of course Dally's in with Darry. SO only the couch is available," Soda said. Dally walked out of the house with Darry following. The inside of the house was quiet.

"So he shows up and everyone has to put up with the brat. Darry if you don't remember he just took off without telling anyone and now that he's back you toss everything aside for him. He's just going to leave you as hurt as before," Dally yelled. I was a little hurt that he wouldn't trust me but I completely understood.

"Hopefully we can get answers we've been waiting for. Dally, he's my brother I'll always stand by him. If you can't understand than maybe we weren't meant to be," Darry yelled. I walked outside.

"Darry don't you dare say that. For all you know I will leave in the middle of the night, Dally's only looking out for you." I said. Dally looked at me before stalking off down the street. "Go after him Darry before you regret it."

"We've been fighting at every turn lately Pony. I think we've had this coming for a while now," Darry said. He watched as Dally's back as he walked out of sight.

"You should still talk to him. He was only looking out for you. Dally handles things his way, and he wants me out of town so I don't keep hurting you all," I said. Soda stood beside Steve watching Darry and I. Somehow Johnny and Two-Bit had left the house without us noticing.

"Steve, you have to get going to work or you'll be late." Soda and Steve shared a quick kiss before Steve went to work.

"Alright Ponyboy, why did you leave?" Darry asked once we were sat around the table. We being Darry, Soda and I.

"I have feelings for people I shouldn't. I left so I wouldn't be faced with heartbreak everyday. I didn't think they'd ever have the same feelings as I do. So I left and went to a small town in Texas and now own Helga and Spencer Hawkins' flower shop, as they've passed on." I looked out the window as tears ran down my cheeks.

"Ponyboy, we would have done everything in our power to help you get who you wanted," Soda whispered. I started to sob and my bothers hugged me to help calm me down.

"You, I have wanted the pair of you for four years. Do you understand why I left? Darry with Dally, Soda with Steve. You were both so happy I didn't want to ruin it for you so I left," I sobbed.

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: In chapter one

Thank you to all of you who reviewed! Last chapter! Sex scene at the bottom don't like don't read it.

What I Really Want

Last time::

"Ponyboy, we would have done everything in our power to help you get who you wanted," Soda whispered. I started to sob and my bothers hugged me to help calm me down.

"You, I have wanted the pair of you for four years. Do you understand why I left? Darry with Dally, Soda with Steve. You were both so happy I didn't want to ruin it for you so I left," I sobbed.

This Time:

Pony, why didn't you tell us? Soda and I had talked about our feelings for you but decided we should be with other people. We didn't want you to be disgusted with us as we loved you more than brothers should," Darry scolded me. I couldn't believe what was being said.

"You wanted me, yet you both decided Steve and Dally would be better. What are we going to do now?" I pondered out loud. I couldn't leave my store, Darry had his job and Dally, Soda was with Steve and he worked.

"I'm with Steve, over the years I've fallen in love with him and don't plan on leaving him or here," Soda announced.

"Dally and I are done, I know that. But, would you move here to be with me?" Darry asked.

"I can't, I promised Helga I'd take over the store and keep it running. That shop is my life now. Would you come to Texas with me?" I asked my eldest brother.

"My home is here Pony. I couldn't just leave." I understood what he was saying. I spent a week there before heading back to Texas. This time my brothers had my number and address It's been two months since I came back and have fallen in to a routine.

"Hey Micheal, there are these guys looking for a Ponyboy Curtis and you're the only Curtis in town," Richard the baker said. I looked up and my brothers stood there.

"I am Ponyboy, Micheal is my middle name. These two are my brothers Darry and Soda." Richard nodded before leaving the store. "What are you two doing here?" I asked smiling.

"We decided to come and see where our little brother lived," Soda answered. He and Darry looked around the shop while I attended to my customers. By the time I closed the store they had met most of my regular customers.

"You two coming with me or had you decided to stay here?" I teased when they didn't fallow me.

"We decided to visit our brother. So we'll be coming with you," Darry replied. I lead my brothers to the home I'd been staying in since I arrived in town. I made a quick supper as Soda and Darry walked around the house. Trying to ignore the feeling of unease that had risen in my stomach all of a sudden I went back to the kitchen to set the table.

"Ponyboy," we had another reason to come and seek you out," Darry started saying, "the house back home caught fire when no one was home. We weren't able to rescue anything"

"Steve went off with some busty blond claiming he had never loved me. Johnny and Two-Bit rented an apartment. Which leaves Darry and I without a place. I was fired two weeks ago and Darry was laid off last week," Soda said.

"You two are more than welcome to stay here with me. I'd never turn the pair of you away," I said smiling. Supper forgotten as they filled me in on everything that had gone wrong in the past two months. I woke the next morning to banging on the front door. I knew it was the milkman but did he have to be so loud?

"Good morning Gary! How are you today?"

"I'm wonderful this morning. I've got your milk right here. You wouldn't happen to have any roses at that shop of yours would you?"

"I have tons of roses at this present time. Why don't you stop by later?"

"That would be great, it's the misses and my anniversary today. Got here chocolates, just need the roses. It's what I got her on our first date." I smiled as Gary walked down the drive whistling. I stiffened as arms wrapped around my waist.

"You sure know how to make people happy Ponyboy," Soda said from behind me. I smiled up at him.

"Gary and Lola have been married for thirty years. No one really talks to them. They are a little weird but I enjoy listening to the many stories the pair tell." I replied before heading towards the dinning room. Darry had made breakfast while I had been talking to Gary.

"What do you two have planned for today?" I asked after the breakfast mess had been cleaned up.

"Have to look for places to work now don't we," Darry said. I watched as he went through the paper.

"You won't find anything in there. Rob needs help with flooring and roofing. I could use some help at the store. Barbara is the hair stylist and she is in need of a cleaner. Patrick and Elizabeth are school teachers, they need a babysitter for Jack. Does that help your employment search?" I smiled at the dumb founded looks my brothers were wearing.

"How do you know all this? Soda asked.

"By talking to my customers," I answered. I didn't see my brothers until supper that night. Both walked in completely exhausted. "How did it go," I asked

"Good, Rob hired me on the spot after I told him what I did before coming here," Darry said.

"Patrick and Elizabeth hired me and showed me everything I'd be doing five days a week," Soda said smiling. The rest of the night was spent relaxing. I was on my way to bed when Darry stopped me.

"Do you work tomorrow Pony?" I shook my head. Today had been Saturday and I don't work Sundays. "Soda and I were talking last night and want to know if you'd consider entering a relationship with the pair of us." Darry sounded nervous. I can't remember the last time he had sounded so nervous around me. I smiled and leaned into kiss him.

I grabbed both Soda's and Darry's hands leading them up to my room. I kissed Soda running my tongue along his bottom lip dragging a moan from him. I thrusted my tongue in to his mouth tracing his teeth. His tongue came out to play and we fought for dominance. Darry kissed my neck hitting a sensitive spot and Soda took control of the kiss. Darry stripped off his clothes and lied on the bed. Soda turned me around so I could watch our older brother stroke his erection. His feet planted on my bed, knees bent , legs spread. I could see his entrance from here. I hadn't even noticed Soda pulled away until he joined Darry nude on the bed. Soda pulled Darry into a kiss, I quickly stripped and grabbed the lube from the dresser. I smacked Darry's hand away and placed the head of his cock in my mouth. Causing him to moan and break his and Soda's kiss. I coated my fingers with the lube before placing them at Darry's entrance I handed the lube to my brothers. I pushed a finger in before I felt Soda do the same to me. I thrusted two fingers in Darry and scissored them felling Soda copying me. I sucked hard on Darry's dick deep throating him and had all three fingers preparing Darry. Soda pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his slick cock. I removed my fingers and mouth from Darry as Soda lubed my cock. I moved up to kiss Darry sliding my cock head inside of him. I held still as Soda slid into me the three of us moaned. Soda slammed into me making me slam into Darry. The only sounds coming from my room were our moans and skin slapping The thrusts picked up speed and it wasn't long before the three of us reached our completion.

"Gods Ponyboy, where did you learn all that?" Darry asked sleepily.

"Here and there." I kissed both my brothers before cuddling up to them and falling asleep.

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